Speaking With Empathy: A Journey Through Stuttering and Professional Growth

Introduction and Early Experiences with Stuttering (0m00s)

The speaker begins by sharing that they don't remember their first stutter, which began around age three. They emphasise how adorable they were as a child whilst setting up the emotional journey ahead.

"I was told that I began stuttering around the age of three years old, which is me then, and I know, I'm adorable."

The Christmas Programme Incident (0m39s)

A pivotal moment occurred when the speaker was nine years old during a church Christmas programme rehearsal. They describe being given a 15-16 line poem to recite, which took them approximately 10 minutes to complete instead of the expected 45 seconds, leading to being given a shorter, four-line poem instead.

"So after I was done, I was kind of pulled to the side by the programme organiser and she said, 'Hey, I think that it's probably like, a better idea to give you a poem that's gonna be more aligned with your skills.'"

"And that's when I learned stuttering is a really bad thing."

"And then of course, being like a kid, it's like, well, if stuttering is bad, and I am a person who stutters, then I must be a bad person."

Living with Shame and Fear (6m01s)

The speaker carried shame about their stutter throughout their entire education and into their twenties. They describe the daily anxiety of reading aloud in school and avoiding situations where they had to meet new people.

"I became so afraid to talk to people, that I would just avoid any situations where I had to meet a new person."

"Because I was so terrified to even just say my name."

Pursuing Speech Therapy (8m04s)

The speaker decided to pursue speech therapy with high hopes of eliminating their stutter forever. Their therapist's approach surprised them by focusing on becoming comfortable with stuttering rather than eliminating it.

"However, in order for these techniques to be effective, you have to be comfortable with stuttering."

"And I almost laughed in her face. Like, how can anybody be comfortable with the thing that makes you feel so insecure and so small?"

The Car Dealership Breakdown (9m09s)

A transformative moment occurred at a car dealership when the speaker struggled to explain their car problems to a service representative. They retreated to a bathroom stall and had an emotional breakdown, realising their shame wasn't about stuttering itself.

"And I didn't cry because of stuttering. I cried because of how stuttering had taken over every aspect of my being."

"I'm not ashamed of stuttering. I'm ashamed of how I feel every time I open my mouth."

"I don't care if I stutter on every single word, every day for the rest of my life. I just need to not feel like this anymore."

Beginning Public Speaking (13m19s)

Following their therapist's suggestion, the speaker pursued public speaking, starting with a talk about stuttering at a university fluency seminar. The experience was revelatory as they discovered people could hear their message beyond how they delivered it.

"I didn't die. I didn't melt into this little lump of embarrassed person."

"I can stutter and people will actually hear me and not how I'm saying it, but the thing that I'm trying to say."

Understanding Vulnerability's Power (16m47s)

After giving an Ignite talk (with slides changing every 15 seconds), the speaker received overwhelmingly positive feedback. They realised vulnerability was the key to connecting with audiences and creating opportunities.

"I was willing to be very insecure, to be incredibly vulnerable and people really resonated with that."

"So vulnerability is the gateway to all kinds of opportunities."

Defining Empathy (18m01s)

The speaker explores two common definitions of empathy: the dictionary definition of understanding others' feelings, and the workplace definition of "that thing that you have to do in order to not be an arsehole in the office." They propose comparing empathy to love to better understand its nature.

"Empathy as a noun is an idea. It's a great idea. It is probably the best idea. However, it's totally intangible and nobody really gets it until you define it."

"And that's why empathy as a verb is a choice. And it's a choice that you have to make every single day."

The LinkedIn Course Experience (24m22s)

The speaker shares their experience creating a LinkedIn course on communicating with empathy. Despite the glamorous appearance of the final product, they faced significant challenges with the teleprompter, leading to an emotional breakdown in a restaurant.

"I was crying so hard that the waitress was actively avoiding me."

"I can't believe that they flew me all the way out here, there's this entire team of people, they spent so much money and I can't give them the content that they need, because of my speech impediment."

Collaborating with Empathy (30m02s)

The LinkedIn experience taught the speaker about collaborating with empathy. They requested to work alone in the room, which allowed them to create content that satisfied both parties whilst maintaining their comfort.

"All that matters is getting the results that you desire. It doesn't matter how you get there."

"Collaborating with empathy is putting people first."

Key Empathy Behaviours: Patience (35m40s)

The speaker introduces three key empathy behaviours, starting with patience as the foundation. Patience requires being completely present and remembering the 'why' behind conversations.

"We live in a world where we are constantly engaged with everything else other than the people who are right in front of us."

"But patience is being 100% present."

Key Empathy Behaviours: Perspective (37m25s)

Perspective involves accepting incomplete context about others' lives, thinking before speaking, and eliminating bias. The speaker emphasises hearing what people actually say rather than our interpretation of their words.

"We think we know everything. However, we don't."

"We don't hear what they say. We hear our opinion of what they're saying."

Key Empathy Behaviours: Connection (40m06s)

Connection is the main reason for communication. The speaker advocates for speaking with intention first and impact second, treating each conversation as a unique interaction that builds relationships.

"You wanna speak with intention. Because intention is going to get you a lot further along in the conversation."

"Every time you talk to a person, you are continuing to build that relationship and to grow that relationship."

Engaging Empathy as Agility (42m36s)

The talk concludes by describing engaging empathy as being agile communicators, thinkers, and feelers. In our fast-paced world, empathy forces us to pause and truly connect with our thoughts and feelings.

"Engaging empathy is being incredibly agile communicators."

"And so engaging empathy. It really is gonna force you to pause and to think and to feel and those things are okay."