Finding Meaning in Tech Work: A Journey Through Existential Crisis

Introduction and Pastor's Critique (0m00s)

Amy Hupe begins her talk at what appears to be a tech conference, referencing her previous presentation at State of the Browser which caught the attention of Pastor Paul Vanderklay. The pastor created an hour-and-twenty-minute video critique of her 25-minute talk, diagnosing her as mentally unwell and suggesting she should have found God and had babies instead of reconnecting with her core values.

"So the one that I naively took was to reengage with my core values and to allow me to kind of rediscover my sense of purpose and understand like why am I doing what I'm doing in the first place?"

"And but the one that I should have taken Paul explains was to find God and have babies."

Community Feedback and T-shirt Response (4m47s)

The amplification of her talk resulted in various critical comments from viewers, including being called boring, criticised for her language, and receiving amateur psychological diagnoses. In response to this criticism, Amy had the comments printed on T-shirts, demonstrating her approach to dealing with online negativity.

"What a boring woman."

"Extremely sad, 9 to 5, no mother instinct, no marriage, no intimacy, trauma bound to an undisclosed secret, a humour that hide pain, a doer alpha mentality..."

"And unfortunately, I'm too petty for that. So I had it put on a bloody T-shirt."

Career Background and Identity Crisis (6m33s)

Amy describes how she had historically derived significant meaning from her work, essentially making work her entire personality. However, after wrapping up a two-year client engagement in April of the previous year, she experienced an unexpected realisation that she no longer cared about design systems, content design, tech, or work in general.

"My work has provided me with purpose and meaning, and it was something that I consistently felt motivated by, regardless of whatever was going on in my personal life."

"I don't care anymore about design systems, I don't care about content design, I don't care about tech or work, I just don't really care about any of it anymore."

Failed Attempts at Recharging (8m08s)

Despite taking time off, travelling to Paris and Amsterdam, visiting art galleries, and trying various forms of self-care, Amy still found herself feeling empty and uninspired. This led her to more intensive introspection through journaling.

"But at the end of it all, I still found myself here, staring into the void, feeling empty and uninspired and just kind of lacking motivation."

The Meaninglessness Revelation (9m29s)

Through journaling, Amy discovered a recurring thought that work ultimately meant nothing in the end. She questions why anyone should bother when eventually no one will remember any of their work.

"In the end, none of it really matters. Design systems, content design, tech, work, it's all just meaningless nonsense."

Factors Contributing to Burnout (10m26s)

Amy identifies several factors that led to her existential crisis: personal life challenges, the shift to consulting without traditional career progression markers, the exhausting nature of design systems work, and the broader state of the tech industry and world.

"So without them, I often feel like I'm drifting or even sort of flatlining."

"And even when we are, the journey to get there can often leave us feeling quite burnt out and depleted."

Current State of Tech and the World (12m12s)

The talk addresses the challenging state of the tech industry, including lack of diversity, widespread layoffs, and global crises including the pandemic, climate crisis, wars, and political upheaval including Trump's reelection.

"And so, you know, the last few years to borrow a quote from 'Succession,' has really been quite the shit show at the fuck factory."

Quiet Quitting and Work Culture Shift (14m16s)

Amy discusses the phenomenon of quiet quitting and the collective shift away from work as a primary source of fulfilment, whilst acknowledging that most people still need to work to survive under capitalism.

"And I'm gonna say now that I firmly believe that caring less about work is completely fine."

"And although I don't want to dissuade anyone from instigating a socialist revolution, I suspect that for most of us right now, that's probably, who's got the energy?"

Rediscovering Purpose Through Means and Ends (16m12s)

Amy realises that her work had transformed from being a vehicle for her values (a means to an end) into an end in itself, leading to her loss of purpose.

"And my career, which had once just been a means to an end, had become the end itself."

Core Perspective Exercise (17m21s)

Drawing from Sarah Wachter-Boettcher's Courageous Leadership Programme, Amy explores finding one's core perspective through the intersection of skills, experiences, and values. She identifies her own skills as communication, perceptiveness, analysis, and systems thinking.

"And it's the combination of these three factors that gives us our unique lens on the world and usually informs the career path that we decide to take."

Personal Experiences Shaping Values (18m27s)

Amy shares formative experiences including feeling bewildered by corporate jargon early in her career, working in hospitality, and having a challenging childhood, all of which shaped her values around inclusivity, vulnerability, equity, and transparency.

"And it took me a while to realise that it wasn't me, right? That this kind of language is just alienating by design."

"And all of this made me quite sensitive in, I now think, a really good way to the struggles that people face."

Defining Core Perspective and Purpose (22m26s)

Amy articulates her core perspective as someone who wants to champion inclusivity and empower people to participate, identifying this as her true purpose with design systems and content design merely being the current means to achieve it.

"As someone in a position of relative power and privilege who has experienced exclusion, I want to champion inclusivity."

"I believe that people can bring value and make positive change when they're validated and empowered to participate."

Goal Setting Framework (23m12s)

Amy presents her framework for setting meaningful goals, asking whether goals connect to purpose, whether she actually cares about achieving them, whether they're achievable, and how she'll measure progress. She provides examples of refining goals to better align with her purpose.

"When I'm setting goals, I like to ask myself, does this goal connect to my purpose?"

Achievable Goals vs Moonshots (27m29s)

Rejecting the concept of moonshot goals, Amy advocates for setting achievable goals that allow for a genuine sense of accomplishment rather than setting oneself up for failure and burnout.

"Fuck moonshot, thanks. Moonshots came straight from the capitalism playbook and I hate them."

"I am not interested in laying a trap for myself to fail and then burning myself out in the process."

Measuring Progress and Avoiding Burnout (29m03s)

Amy explains the importance of progress markers in preventing burnout, citing Herbert Freudenberger's three components of burnout: emotional exhaustion, depersonalisation, and decreased sense of accomplishment.

"If we don't, we're just running on a treadmill and we're taking actions without any real sense of moving forward."

Disconnecting from External Validation (31m04s)

The talk addresses the danger of relying too heavily on external validation through corporate progression frameworks or social media engagement, noting how both can be easily taken away and create vulnerability.

"And I have done things that I didn't really want to do or care about in pursuit of other people's approval."

"It is, to put it bluntly, this unwinnable game that is designed to make us feel shitter the more we play. It is the poison that promises to be the antidote."

Cultivating Internal Meaning (35m38s)

Amy concludes by sharing the questions she now asks herself to cultivate meaning: whether she's fulfilling her purpose, making progress on goals, and most importantly, enjoying how she spends her time.

"Am I enjoying how I'm spending my time? Is any of it actually making me happy and inspired and energised and connected to people?"

Final Reflection on Meaning (36m34s)

The talk concludes with Amy's reflection that whilst everything may mean nothing in the end, both the destination and the journey matter, and individuals have the power to decide what gives their work meaning.

"But the means do matter too. How we get there matters."

"It all means nothing in the end, but only if you let it."